Of My Hands I Give to You . . . the Lord’s Prayer

Because of the current flu epidemic, it looks like American Catholics are beginning to let go of the unofficial custom of holding hands during the recitation of the Lord’s Prayer at Mass. In many parishes, the H1N1 scare has also limited the Sign of Peace to a slight bow or a friendly wave, and communion under full cup has been temporarily discontinued. Given the severity of the epidemic, who can blame them? In my parish school alone, over 90 students stayed home sick from the flu last week.

Back to holding hands: No one really knows how that liturgical custom became so widespread in the United States, or when it began. I have a few theories that I would prefer to save for a book I am writing. But I will say that it most likely came about in the 1970s because of the concurrent popularity of the Folk Mass and the Charismatic Renewal, both of which epitomized the growing informality of the Church and of society in general.

“But we’ve been holding hands at the Our Father for as long as I can remember,” observes a thirtysomething friend of mine. “What do you mean when you say it’s an unofficial custom?”

The General Instruction on the Roman Missal does not mandate that Catholic worshipers hold hands at the Our Father. In fact, it says very little about that prayer except the following, as found in paragraph 152:

After the Eucharistic Prayer is concluded, the priest, with hands joined, says the introduction to the Lord’s Prayer. With hands extended, he then says this prayer together with the people.

The Sacramentary itself only has these instructions:

The priest sets down the chalice and paten and with hands joined sings or says one of the following: (here follow a choice of four introductory exhortations)

He extends his hands and he continues, with the people:
Our Father, who art in heaven . . .

That’s it! Nowhere in the official instruction is there any mention of the assembly holding hands at this part of the Mass. On one side, traditionalists say the custom is an aberration of the rubrics. On the other side, less formal Catholics (I hesitate to label them as outright liberals because many of them are not) couldn’t care less about strict rubrics and find it both meaningful and comforting to join hands with friends, family and strangers while praying in the words our Savior gave us.

So what is the official word on this gesture from Rome or from the United States Bishops? Surprise! There is no official word. As many people know, the attention given to the liturgy these days is directed toward the eventual promulgation of new English texts that conform closer to the original Latin. There has apparently been no official discussion on the issue of holding hands. However, an Internet search on the topic turns up no shortage of opinions, some from authoritative sources. Here is a sampling, with a link to the sources so you can read the quotes in context. Each writer makes excellent points that need to be considered.

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From Father Edward McNamara, professor of liturgy at the Regina Apostolorum Pontifical Athenaeum:

It is true that there is no prescribed posture for the hands during the Our Father and that, so far at least, neither the Holy See nor the U.S. bishops' conference has officially addressed it. The argument from silence is not very strong, however, because while there is no particular difficulty in a couple, family or a small group spontaneously holding hands during the Our Father, a problem arises when the entire assembly is expected or obliged to do so.

The process for introducing any new rite or gesture into the liturgy in a stable or even binding manner is already contemplated in liturgical law. This process entails a two-thirds majority vote in the bishops' conference and the go-ahead from the Holy See before any change may take effect. Thus, if neither the bishops' conference nor the Holy See has seen fit to prescribe any posture for the recitation of the Our Father, it hardly behooves any lesser authority to impose a novel gesture not required by liturgical law and expect the faithful to follow their decrees.



While there are no directions as to the posture of the faithful, the rubrics clearly direct the priest and any concelebrants to pray the Our Father with hands extended -- so they at least should not hold hands. One could argue that holding hands expresses the family union of the Church. But our singing or reciting the prayer in unison already expresses this element. The act of holding hands usually emphasizes group or personal unity from the human or physical point of view and is thus more typical of the spontaneity of small groups. Hence it does not always transfer well into the context of larger gatherings where some people feel uncomfortable and a bit imposed upon when doing so.



The use of this practice during the Our Father could detract and distract from the prayer's God-directed sense of adoration and petition, as explained in Nos. 2777-2865 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, in favor of a more horizontal and merely human meaning. For all of these reasons, no one should have any qualms about not participating in this gesture if disinclined to do so. They will be simply following the universal customs of the Church, and should not be accused of being a cause of disharmony.



From ZENIT: The World Seen from Rome Nov. 18, 2003

Father McNamara’s column generated a sizeable response:

Judging from the response to our reply regarding holding hands during the Our Father, it would appear that the world is divided into hand-holders and arm-folders with the occasional hand-upholder wedged in the middle.

An Australian subscriber points out: "The best argument for not holding hands is that the holding of hands anticipates and then negates the sign of peace." I must confess that I had never thought of this argument but it does have a certain internal logic.

Personally I would not go so far as to say that the gesture negates the sign of peace, but it does anticipate and duplicate it from the symbolic point of view and, as a consequence, probably detracts from its sign value.

A California reader observes that I said there is little difficulty with a family holding hands during the Our Father. He asks: Should not hand-holding also be appropriate, then, for a larger group, if we consider the parish as family? He also objects to "the idea it might make some feel uncomfortable. “Then let's not have them say the creed either. It might make them feel uncomfortable. Faith is all about being uncomfortable. Growth starts with discomfort."

As is often the case, the analogous value of words can lead to misunderstanding. Yes, the parish is, in a way, a family, but then so is the universal Church, and so is the human race. The point is that holding hands is a normal expression of affection for nuclear families or relatively small groups of people who know each other well.

It is not a usual expression for larger groups of people even though they may be united by spiritual bonds, such as membership in Christ's Mystical Body. I do not deny that it may happen but it is rarely spontaneous and is usually provoked by an organizing agent.


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The following is from an article by Fr. William Saunders in the Arlington Catholic Herald. He is dean of the Notre Dame Graduate School of Christendom College and pastor of Queen of Apostles Parish, both in Alexandria, Virginia.

Perhaps the holding of hands was introduced with good intentions to highlight the unity of the congregation as they pray, "Our Father," not "My Father." Yet, if unity is the key, then should we not be holding hands throughout the entire Mass?

The unity that is sought really comes later and after a spiritual progression: First, we fall on our knees as the priest offers the sacrifice of the Mass: we recall not only our Lord's passion, death, and resurrection but also our need as individuals to offer ourselves to Him. Second, we pray in the words our Savior taught us, the Lord's Prayer, in which we ask, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," even the person next to us in the pew. Third, we offer the Sign of Peace, a gesture found in the earliest Masses to show a genuine unity based on peace and forgiveness. Finally, we receive Holy Communion, which truly brings us into communion with our Lord and with each other. Looking at the logic of this spiritual progression to real unity, the holding of hands at the Our Father is extraneous.

Can a congregation hold hands anyway, even if it is extraneous? While no one can find fault if a husband and wife, or a family want spontaneously to hold hands during the Lord's Prayer, the priest does not have the right to introduce, mandate, or impose it.

The Church also reminds the priest, who is the guardian of the sacraments and who acts in persona Christi in offering the Mass: "The priest should realize that by imposing his own personal restoration of sacred rites he is offending the rights of the faithful and is introducing individualism and idiosyncracy into celebrations which belong to the whole Church" (Third Instruction on the Correct Implementation of the Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy, No. 1 (1970)).

A person in the pew should not feel obliged or coerced to hold hands with someone else during the Lord's Prayer, yet congregational "peer pressure" could easily lead to such feelings. One can only imagine how intimidated a person must feel by the rest of the congregation if he does not desire to hold hands, whether because of personal preference or because of another reason such as arthritis.

Granted, the holding of hands during the Lord's Prayer seems to have become almost a tradition in some parishes throughout the country. Nevertheless, we must remember that this gesture is not prescribed, it is an innovation to the Mass, and in its goal to build unity and sensitivity, it can be alienating and insensitive to individuals.

From a 1999 edition of The Arlington Catholic Herald

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Andrew Santella writes for Slate and has the following thoughts:

It's a dilemma: Hold hands and give up a bit of the traditional Catholic solemnity, or forsake your neighbor's hand for a rosary and take refuge in the practices of the past. It's a choice between retrenchment and assimilation.

That's pretty much the choice facing Catholics on the weightier questions about the church's future as well. Questions like whether priests can someday marry will be settled by the church's hierarchy. But so far, the call on whether or not to hold hands has been left to the people in the pews. The choices we make about holding hands and other points of worship etiquette may not be as binding as a papal bull. But they help articulate the faithful's vision of the church.

From Slate magazine Oct. 31, 2005

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David Philippart studied liturgy at the University of Notre Dame and lives in Chicago. He writes:

In technologically advanced and wealthy cultures, the bonds of community are often strained. Whereas in some places -- or even in our own country 50 years ago or so -- you might be born, live, and die all in the same village surrounded by the same people, today we move about, live far from extended family members and close friends, and communicate electronically rather than in the flesh. We sometimes yearn to feel more connected to the people around us, especially our sisters and brothers in Christ and particularly at this moment of supreme intimacy with God and with each other that is the Eucharist.

But precisely because hand-holding denotes a specific kind of intimacy in our culture -- romantic love, or the love of parent and child, for example -- some people feel uncomfortable holding hands at Mass. It's best to respect this. Yet if it is parish custom, those who balk may need to ask themselves, "Does it really hurt me to grasp hands for a few minutes?"

Every parish has a personality, just like every family or household does. Some families or households are very physical in expressing affection: lots of touching, hugging, kissing. Others are more reserved physically: Love is expressed in words and deeds but maybe not very often in hugs and kisses. There's no right or wrong here. What's essential is that we pray the words of Jesus' with sincerity and love.

From US Catholic magazine 2007

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W. Patrick Cunningham has written a book that discusses hand holding within the larger context of the entire liturgy.


When I raise questions about this innovation [holding hands at the Lord’s Prayer], the response is usually, "Well, why not? Anything that brings people together is good. We are preparing for Communion, so why not introduce another element of unity? We are saying 'Our Father,' so why shouldn't we symbolize our commonality by joining hands?"

It sounds innocent. But the very fact that this is a radical innovation should give us pause Nowhere in the history of the Church do we find holding hands as a liturgical sign, except in the marriage rite, where hands are joined as a sign of marital unity. If we truly understand and respect the intimacy of this sign, we will not make it promiscuous. There are already powerful sign: of Christian unity in the Mass: the Pax and Holy Communion.

Psychologically speaking, an obtrusive sign of unity that tries to enforce its own compliance is more likely to be in practice a sign of disunity.

-W. Patrick Cunningham
At the Name of Jesus, Every Knee Shall Remain Unbent?
The Language of the Body and the Mass
(New Oxford Review) Feb 1999

Click here for web excerpt

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What is my stand on the question of holding hands at the Lord’s Prayer? I am a parish liturgist and musician so I take a pastoral approach. I personally am uncomfortable with the custom, for many of the reasons stated by the above writers. I prefer to simply place my hands in the “orantes” gesture as a gentle indication to those around me that I will not be grabbing their hands. However, my orantes is sometimes mistaken for an invitation as people next to me take my hand anyway. When that happens, I do not pull away. Above all, I do not wish to “make a scene” and distract from the sincere prayer of my parish community.

I admit that I wince whenever I hear a priest introduce the Lord’s Prayer by saying, “And now, let’s take the hand of the person next to us and pray our family prayer . . .” I also regret that two or three generations have now grown up with the custom as a matter of course and do it without question. When or if the US Bishops finally address this issue there will surely be a lot of hurt or confused feelings in the event of the gesture's suppression.

Let us pray . . .