Sideswiped

LOL. After reading my recent blog on The Abbey Road Medley (Side Two), a young friend wrote to me and asked, “What do you mean by Side Two?”

I started laughing and chided myself for being so Boomer-centric. After all, it’s a legitimate question that deserves a decent answer. Here goes. For pedagogical purposes, I will answer this question as a dialogue.

===

Youth: What do you mean by Side Two?

Boomer: Once upon a time, before iPods, iTunes, MP3 players, and CDs, recorded music was distributed on a medium called a “record” that came in two sizes: a “single,” distinguished by a large hole in the center and played at 45 RPMs; and a long-playing album or “LP,” distinguished by a small hole and played at 33 and 1/3 RPMs.

Youth: Hold on. What’s RPM?

Boomer: Revolutions per minute.

Youth: You mean the little record goes around and around 45 times in one minute?

Boomer: Yes.

Youth: Let’s count it out . . .

Boomer: No, please take my word for it. Where were we? Oh, yeah, each record has two sides: Side One and Side Two.

Youth: Duh!

Boomer: Do you want to hear this or not? A single has only one song per side. An LP might have as many as six songs per side.

Youth: (Yawn) My iPod Nano can hold over 2000 songs.

Boomer: Right. Anyway, when a side is over, you have to get up and turn the record over to play the other side.

Youth: That’s dumb.

Boomer: No, it isn’t. It was actually ahead of its time since it made good use of the entire medium and didn’t waste anything.

Youth: Yeah, but when you were a teenager and you had a party, that means the music stopped at the end of the record and somebody had to turn it over.

Boomer: So?

Youth: Talk about killing the mood . . .

Boomer: Some of us had an automatic hi-fi record player where we would stack several records. At the end of one record, the tone arm would swing back, allow the next record to drop, then automatically place the needle on the first track.

Youth: (mock surprise) You used needles when you were a teenager?

Boomer: (with headache starting) Now cut that out!

Youth: (laughing) Yeah, yeah, I know all about records and turntables. DJs are still big for my generation, you know. I was just messing with you. Anyway, back to Side Two. I still think it’s inconvenient to stop the party or whatever when one side is over, get up, turn the record over, and put the needle back on, even if you have that stacking thing.

Boomer: Well, there was one really cool advantage to having two sides to an album. Rock groups and singers could arrange the tracks like a show. Side One was like the first act. Side Two was the second act and the first track of Side Two was as important as the first track on Side One because they each drew the listener into the side. Let’s take Abbey Road as an example.

Youth: I like the Beatles.

Boomer: All right! Side One starts with “Come Together,” an awesome way to begin. It’s followed by “Something,” “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer,” and all the great tracks that lead to the thundering “I Want You,” with its droning ending.

Youth: Cool.

Boomer: So, after hearing those six killer tracks, the listener almost needs to catch his breath and turn the record over. After John Lennon’s dark “I Want You,” it’s a pleasant relief to hear George Harrison’s bright and airy, “Here Comes the Sun.” In fact, when I was a kid and flipped the Abbey Road record over for the first time, I almost fell on the floor upon hearing the sheer joy of George’s song. And then that led to the whole suite of The Abbey Road Medley, straight through to “The End” and “Her Majesty.” What a masterpiece!

Youth: But . . .

Boomer: But, what?

Youth: You mean you actually listened to whole records in one sitting, from start to finish?

Boomer: Yeah. It was the cool thing to do when we were hanging out with our friends.

Youth: (scratching his head) I dunno. I always hit Shuffle on my iPod. I like to be surprised by the variety of songs and artists that Shuffle sends into my earbuds.

Boomer: (sighing) That, my friend, is the difference between your generation and mine. Why, back in my day . . . (annoyed) Hey, are you even listening?

Youth: (texting into cell phone)

Boomer: Hello? (waving hand over youth’s eyes) Anybody home?

Youth: Sorry, dude. Gotta go.

And off he goes, iPod earbuds in place, oblivious to the world around him as he continues texting. He’s happy with music his way, and more power to him. But there are times when I do miss Side One and Side Two and the whole pleasure of hearing an album’s tracks unfold in the thoughtful order that the artists intended.