Tops

Eulogy for Terence Patrick “Tops” Canedo
Given by his brother Orlando
Church of the Visitation, Los Angeles
August 4, 2010

Tops was born on a Tuesday, September 20, 1960. He was the sixth of the nine children of Betty and Del Canedo. 5 boys and 4 girls: Kenny, Keith, Desi, Delfin, Teresa, Tops, Celeste, Orlando and Vicky.
Being the only left-handed boy, he was already something special to our mom, not that she didn’t love us all equally. (wink)

Tops was an incredible musician, he could play any instrument he picked up. I’m not talking plucking out “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” but really play the instrument like he’d been playing it for years. I’d been taking drum lessons and I was getting pretty good. I could keep a pretty steady beat. One day I heard someone playing my drum set in my room and I was thinking, “Geez, whoever’s playing my drums is really good.” I opened the door and there was Tops playing like a pro. I had never heard him play my drums before and that was the first time I realized my brother was a musical genius. The same thing happened a few years ago on Thanksgiving. We were celebrating at my sister Celeste’s house and I heard someone playing the piano, incredibly, in the other room. I looked in and there was Tops playing effortlessly, as if he were Elton John himself.

Tops was also a very skilled visual artist. He would always amaze us with his pencil sketches, capturing perfectly the likeness of his many subjects. In high school, he received high praise for a comic strip he created: “Bennie, the Filipino Houseboy Who Didn’t Know He Was a Monkey.”

Tops had a wicked sense of humor. Everything and everybody was fair game. You didn’t want to be the butt of his jokes because his attacks could be relentless. But this is where his songwriting talents began. He started making up hilarious ditties about our neighborhood or something he saw that made him laugh that day. These songs are witty, priceless time capsules of our childhood. Growing up, me and Tops shared a room for many years and we’d stay up late making each other laugh till we fell asleep.

As he grew older Tops refined his artistic skills, adding web design and other computer graphics to his already vast repertoire of skills and talents. He continued to write marvelous songs and record them in his home studio.

His home was the garage at mom’s house that he converted into a nice apartment. Yes, the man had even more talents. He was a great carpenter and handyman, as well. He did all of the upkeep on the house for mom after dad passed away, including taking care of the lawn and garden. He’d do anything for mom. Actually, he’d do anything for anyone in the family. Behind that sharp sense of humor was a very caring and giving person. If one of us needed help, he would be happy to do anything he could.

But the biggest joy in his life is Katya, his daughter who is now 16 years old. Tops has done an incredible job as a parent. There is a lot of Tops in Katya. She has grown to be a strong, caring and giving person just like her dad. And also, just like her dad, Katya has taken to the guitar like she’s been playing for years -- and she has the voice of an angel. I know her dad was very proud of her and she will continue to be a source of pride for her family because of the values and talents that Tops has instilled in her.

When Tops was in the hospital, Katya would visit him every day after school. When he changed hospitals, Katya would take the bus clear across town to visit him after school. I could see the joy in his eyes when Katya entered the room. And although her father was very sick, Katya would sit by his side for hours if she could because she knew it made him happy.

Happiness is something that Tops could give his family, even in his last weeks. Every day I went to see him in the hospital he would find some way to make me laugh, even if he was in extreme pain. Also, during this time, Tops was writing notes to mom in a journal, about his day and how he was feeling. Even when he was in constant pain, he was thinking about the happiness of others. He was thinking about mom and the comfort that these notes would give her. These notes would be his final communication with mom and his last cherished gift to her.

And now, here are some memories of Tops by some of his siblings:

KENNY
When Tops was in 6th grade he became an altar boy at St. Gerard Parish. We used to have Sunday afternoon rosary and benediction and five altar boys were required, but only Tops and I showed up. So I gave Tops a crash course on how to be thurifer, or the server in charge of incense.

So there’s Father Doherty on the altar with the Eucharist. I’m ringing the bell, and poor Tops is behind me, struggling with the chain-link incense burner.

Later, in the sacristy, Tops said, “That holy smoke was going up my nose!” Even Father Doherty laughed.


KEITH (KC)
I bought Tops his first electric guitar when he was 14. It was right-handed and a dark hunter green. Tops took that guitar apart, hand-sanded off the green to its natural wood, stained and varnished it, switched over the pick guard, and re-strung it to “left-handed.” The next time I saw it, I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was.

Tops touched our lives in the same way. He improved all of us. He could alays be counted on to “take a sad song and make it better.”


CELESTE
Jessica and I were driving home last Sunday night from mom’s house. Keith followed in his car because he was staying with us. On the I-405, a van swerved into our lane, hitting us on the passenger side by Jessica. All three cars pulled over to the shoulder.

Keith checked to make sure we were okay, then approached the driver of the van and said, “What the hell are you doing?” He was protecting Jessica and me.

It reminded me of the time my car was hit in front of mom’s house. The two young men immediately started blaming me for hitting their truck and were very angry. Tops ran out of mom’s house yelling, “What the hell are you doing?” The two guys quickly backed down and admitted they were at fault.

That horrible Sunday when Tops passed away, and with help from Keith, I felt Tops was still protecting me.

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Katya thought that it would be nice to read some of her father’s lyrics today. She found a wonderful song, the very last entry in his song notebook:

We draw the lines through space and time
Ultimately in our minds they can disappear
There is a richness in diversity
No prejudice
Showing the world
Creating with each other
A sister or a brother
We become strong in ourselves
What to do with the freedom
Embrace the higher good feeling
Envision thought more
Take action less
You were always valued
Always known
Nothing to fix
Well being is abundant
Don’t follow the old ways if they don’t serve you
Find new ways to live
Find new ways to survive
When the old ways don’t apply

©2010 Terence P. Canedo

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At the Door
A poem by Delfin M. Canedo

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A Mother’s Love
A reflection from Terence’s mother Betty
Read by his brother Keith

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(Closing remarks by Ken)

Thank you, dear brothers. Thank you, Monsignor Gonzales. It is so awesome to have an old family friend celebrate this Memorial Mass. Thank you also to Visitation Choir. My sister Desi sings with them on Sundays and I am so thrilled she is part of the music ministry here. Thank you to Vallimar and Frank Jansen for sharing their talents and representing my OCP family. Lastly, my family thanks all of you for sharing this liturgy of remembrance with us. As I look out on across this church I see many friends of Tops from his workplace and other connection, plus friends of my siblings. I invite you all to the parish center after Mass so we can get to know each other better and continue to share the love we have for Tops.

I wrote a tribute to my brother on the day that he died. It’s rather lengthy and I invite you to read the whole thing on my website. But I would like to close with the final paragraph:

My brother died today, and I will miss him forever. I can never begin to understand why something as terrible as cancer had to take Tops away from us so soon. I can only cling to my faith in God, and to the hope that we will all be reunited with our brother in the life to come. In my spiritual imagination, our brother was warmly greeted at the gates of heaven by our dad. I also like think that God let Tops go straight to work, adding some rock pizzaz to the angelic choirs, tending the divine gardens, and fixing the leaky roof over the Father’s house that has many dwelling-places (John 14:1-6).

My brother died today, but he will live forever in our hearts.

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Amazing Grace sung by ValLimar Jansen, accompanied on the piano by her husband Frank.





Obituary in the Los Angeles Times.